2. aprīlis, priekšpusdiena, snieg /// April 2, noon, it's snowing

Vakar no rīta paskatījos pa logu, un uzreiz bija jānovēršas un jānoskurinās, skats bija ļoti nepatīkams. Pārāk balts šim gadalaikam, negribas vairs aprīlī sniegu, gribas, lai ir priecīgi, saulaini un plaukstoši. Tā jau vispār man sniegs patīk, bet, nu, 2. aprīlī tas var būt diezgan drausmīgi.

Pagājušajā ceturtdienā uz vienu noslēguma ballīti uzvilku pelēcīgi baltu kleitu, un viņā bija kaut kas ziemīgs. Tas vēl bija marts, un es vilku ziemas mēteli, un biju nolēmusi, ka pēc tam gan vairāk sarkano ziemas mēteli nevilkšu, aprīlī vairs neuzdrīkstēšos. Kleitu gan, kleitā arī kaut kas vasarīgi gaišs, kaut gan tobrīd vairāk ziemīgais, un es viņu pirku Londonā sava Karalistes perioda pēdējā dienā pirms atgriešanās Rīgā. Izbeidzās Skotija, beidzas darbs, un ziemai arī jābeidzas, taču tad laikapstākļi brutāli iemet sejā sniegu, ha! Drausmīgi. Visam jābeidzas un jāsakārtojas. Nesen piefiksēju, ka esmu tikusi pāri Skotijai, vairs nav tās sāpīgās ilgošanās, man vienkārši patīk. Kad sāpīgums norimstas un palien apakšā, ir ļoti labi.

Tagad, kad vairs nav jāiet uz darbu, jāraksta bakalaura darbs, un ir diezgan skaidrs, ka būs mokoši, un nekā dzirkstoši priekpilna nebūs, un pavasara arī nebūs. Janvārī un februārī vēl kaut kā var samierināties, bet tad, ka gaiss virmo un visi trakuļi kastaņi, ceriņi un ievas piesmaržo visas āres, nu kā tad lai dzīvo. Tas, ka grūti jau tagad saņemties, un nepatīk, un tas sniegs vēl. Nav labi.

Man patiktu tāda akadēmiskās izglītības dzīve, kas ir pietiekami gaisīga (es nemaz neceru, ka neviena grāmata, neviens Kūzieša teksts nekad nespiedīs pie zemes), atsvaidzinoša un kurā es satieku kursabiedrus, mēs izmetam loku pa Vecrīgu, pastāvam pie fakultātes, pasēžam lekcijā, aizejam nopirkt papīra formiņas kūciņām. Nu tā, kā līdz šim, tā man patika.

^^^^^
Yesterday morning I took a quick glance at the window, and had to look away right away and shake myself. The view was not a pleasant one. Too white for this time of year, I don't wanna have any snow in April, I want it to be cheerful, sunny and blossoming. In general I do like the snow, but, well, it can be quite miserable for the 2nd of April.

Last Thursday for one final party I put on a greyish white dress, and there was something winter-like about it. It was still March then, I was wearing my red winter coat and I had decided not to wear it anymore in this season. I don't dare to wear the winter coat in April. I could wear the dress though, as there is also something summery light, although at that moment I felt the winter side more. I bought this dress in London at the very last day of my United Kingdom period just before returning to Riga. Scotland has ended, job is ending, and winter is supposed to end as well, yet the weather brutally throws snow in your face, hah! Awful. Everything has to end and get in order. Not long ago I noticed I have got over Scotland, there isn't this painful longing anymore, I simply like it. When the pain goes down and stays there, it is actually nice.

Now when I don't have to go to work anymore, I'm supposed to write my thesis, and I see it pretty clearly it's gonna be painful and harsh, and there won't be anything effervescent and joyful, there won't be any spring at all. In January and February one can somehow cope with that, but when the air vibrates and those possessed chestnut-trees, lilacs and bird-cherries flood every tiny street with their scents, how one is supposed to survive then. It is hard enough to pluck up the spirit already now, and I really dislike all that, besides there is snow. Not good.

I woud love such an academic education life which was airy enough (I don't even dare to dream that no heavy book, no Cusanian text won't ever push me down to the ground), refreshing and in which I get to meet my course-mates, we take a stroll in the Old Town, stand in the front of the Faculty, sit in a lecture a bit, go to buy cupcake cases. As it was until now, I liked it that way.

Fakultātes bibliotēka, kuras plauktos grāmatas ir uzmundrinoši krāsainas. Man gan vispār nekas neuzmundrinošs tur nešķita, es tikai pagaidīju Katrīnu. /// In the library of our Faculty, where all the books happen to be encouraging colourful. Anyways, I didn't find anything dispiriting there, I was just waiting for Katrina.

Agnese Ētikā III, pie baznīcas /// Agnese in Ethics III, next to a church

Ričards Imanuelā Kantā, lasa grāmatu /// Ricards in Immanel Kant, reading a book

Ričards, Kants, Dievu mijkrēslis /// Ricards, Kant, Twilight of the Gods

Mans mētelis Sociālajā filozofijā II; es atnācu uz lekciju, un uz viena āķīša bija kaltēta sarkana rozīte, protams, es izvēlējos tieši to āķīti, un neviens pirms manis to nebija pamanījis un aizņēmis, gluži vai maģiski. Uzreiz patīkami, ka atnācu uz lekciju /// My coat in Social philosophy II; I entered the classroom and there was a dry red rose on one of the hooks. Naturally I picked that one, and no one had noticed and occupied it before me, isn't that magic.